She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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