She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
