He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
