Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
