Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
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