We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
Everclear isn't food dammit
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
