that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
Randomize
