The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
You know its a good night when ur woken up by the bartender asking you how he ended up at your house
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Randomize
