He disabled his match.com account in front of me
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize