Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
We named our party play list daddy issues
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
