you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
Randomize
