when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
Randomize
