Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
it's not cheating when I paid for it
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
