Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
