Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
