My girlfriend figured out who you are.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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