my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Beer is acceptable at 830am if it's your bday, right?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
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