My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Randomize