I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
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