We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
I'm seeing double. Its like being in a room full of people
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
