I hate all girls vehemently.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize
