I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
