If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
