she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
You just kinda wondered into the street and started screaming at dogs and small children...
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