We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
