so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
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