i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Randomize
