You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
Randomize
