I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she told me i tasted like america
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
