he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
