Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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