Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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