I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Randomize
