This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I'm gonna fight the coyote
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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