I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
