We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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