now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Things I love twice as much when drunk: Taco Bell. Office chairs that roll. Classes.
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
