My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Randomize
