"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
