my phone needs a breathalizer
WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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