That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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