doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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