birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
