I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
