guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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