can't decide if i want to get drunk or coked for this harry potter thing.. it is kind of long
aren't you going with children?
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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