You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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