Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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