She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
