And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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