we have pet lesbian snakes
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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