# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
