I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
