Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
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