Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I feel like death gave me a hand job
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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