We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
