So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
