you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
