i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize
