Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
