He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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