I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
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