So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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