Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
