He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
