My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
