"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
Randomize
