You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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