I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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