Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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