having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
